This morning brings a new wave of ridiculous coverage of Anna Chapman — she of 99 Fake Street — and her past: The Telegraph has found her ex-husband Alex — he that made her a Chapman — who, predictably, was not surprised by Chapman’s arrest. (Neither, of course, was his mother.)
He was surprised — and hurt — when the 19 year old child he married in March 2002 after basically two meetings changed as she got older. He was also surprised to discover that, with age, she drifted from her “carefree” bohemian ways and became, like most Russian women, obsessed with money. She fell into Russian circles and became “arrogant and obnoxious,” bragging about all the influential people she was hanging out with. (Again, shocking for a provincial Russian girl fresh in the Big City.)
He also revealed that Anna’s father was a “scary” KGB agent obsessed with how much money his new son-in-law made (apple, tree). We also learn Anna’s dad was stationed in Zimbabwe (?) for a while. One can only imagine what kinds of WiFi problems he had there.
And, as his three-year starter marriage was drawing to a close, Chapman tried hard to figure out why his wife was growing distant, and going to gatherings she said he needn’t bother attending.
Towards the end of our marriage she became very secretive, going for meetings on her own with ‘Russian friends’, and I guess it might have been because she was in contact with the Russian government.
And now, fittingly, the old lovers are surfacing, too. First, there are the reports of Michael Bittan, the 60 year-old New Jersey millionaire who loved hot young Russian babes and surrounded himself accordingly. Which may explain why ex-husband Chapman, a “trainee psychologist,” didn’t fit the bill for a newly materialistic, status-obsessed Anna.
The best, though, is an article called, yes, “The Spy Who Shagged Me,” about some guy Anna picked up at a London nightclub. The bespectacled bloke shared some of his tasteful thoughts on the [insert lame Bond Girl archetype]:
Shocked Charlie Hutchinson, 31, said after seeing Anna Chapman’s picture in The Sun: “While we had sex she was talking and moaning in Russian. It lasted for 2½ hours and was so sexy. She was incredible…She has a stunning figure – and had no underwear on. She really knew what she was doing…She was wild in bed – a 14 out of ten. She knows positions I had never imagined…Both of us were drunk. When we got into my room she began doing a striptease while I sat on the bed.
I imagine this is basically what it looked like: