The Cosmic Cock of War

Early Monday morning, as Kyrgyzstan continued its descent into ethnic bloodbathery, a small band of nine warriors gathered at the Liteiny Bridge in St. Petersburg to celebrate the birthday of Che Guevara.

It was just getting dark at 1:30 am when they broke, splitting into their well-coordinated parts. Armed with white spray paint, they cut onto the bridge and began to run in lines and arcs. In 23 seconds, they were done, having painted, in Guevara’s honor, the Cosmic Cock of War, measuring an impressive 213 x 88 feet.

The Cock was ready to spring into action.

It finally did so ten minutes later, at 1:40 am, when dusk finally set in in this northern city and when the legendary drawbridges across St. Petersburg began their slow ascent. The Linteiny was no exception and soon, according to Aleksei Plutzer-Sarno, the ideologist of the War avant-garde movement that carried out the attack, “at exactly 2:00 in the morning, the Cock of War pushed up against the dusky sky.”

And it stood there, facing the St. Petersburg headquarters of the FSB, the successor of the KGB/NKVD/Cheka.

FSB agents gathered at the windows, agog.

Waiting face-down on the ground, one of the activists — Leonid “Fucked Up” Nikolaev — did not know if the Cock had risen successfully.  He had been detained by the bridge guards almost as soon as he had finished drawing “the right nut of the Cosmic Cock” and was now being held bundled till the police could take him to the precinct.

When the police finally arrived, “they were ecstatic,” “Fucked Up” wrote. When he was taken over to the station, the amusement continued. The policemen “animatedly told their colleagues, showed them pictures on their cell phones. The others started to guffaw, to laugh hysterically.”

Since then, “Fucked Up” has been tried on charges of “petty hooliganism” and freed. And, despite many scrubbing attempts, clear traces of the Cosmic Cock remain. Tomorrow, the foreign dignitaries and businessmen, Russian oligarchs and politicians begin arriving for the St. Petersburg International Economic Forum, the Russian equivalent of Davos.

via Fontanka.ru, Plucer-Sarno

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12 Responses to The Cosmic Cock of War

  1. Mark Adomanis says:

    Arguably the best-titled blog post in the history of the human race, well done

    • Kim Zigfeld says:

      For a person obsessed with pristine factual accuracy, Mark, you’re remarkably given to seemingly demented hyperbole. Physician, heal thyself!

      • Philipp Churilov says:

        For a person obsessed with outright russophobia, Kim, you’ve made a pretty senseless comment. Go spill some hate, it’s been a while.

  2. jcalton says:

    I guess they are saying Che Guevara was a dick?

  3. Х У Й*

    *Back to basics
    (c)Victor Pelevin

  4. kovane says:

    “FSB, the successor of the KGB/NKVD/Cheka.”

    Julia, I’m pretty sure INOSMI’s guys LOVE you. 🙂

  5. richard1990 says:

    “And it stood there, facing the St. Petersburg headquarters of the FSB, the successor of the KGB/NKVD/Cheka.”

    It’s been 20 years, I think people know who the FSB is. Although, you forgot the Okhrana, Third department, Oprichnina etc.

  6. Pingback: Global Voices in English » Russia: Cocks and Prayers

  7. Pingback: Official Russia | Russia: Cocks and Prayers

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